I existed outside of my life situation this weekend.
I felt.experienced.lived.breathed.enjoyed LIFE.
The day spent galavanting around Seattle with excellent company. Kindred spirits, kind souls, those you know you knew before you knew what you know now...
The field trip was a bust, but the day was a blast. The company I was trying to research was gone, but the company I kept was ever-present, a brilliant energy of life that was almost extinguished to my perception until only recently. True companions of the universe unite...
Saturday night, a night of dreams...I was awake the entire time, and I continued to wake up as the night went on.
pulse.pulse.pulse.pulse.
I could feel it intimidating me as I entered the room, the mind's criticism of my ability to dance.
just move.
just move with it.
I kept telling myself.
No, I need a glass of wine.
Ok.
No difference.
No, I need a hug.
I need a release.
I need freedom.
A breath of fresh air greeted me as I bolted down the stairs and into the night...
The stars, the writhing throng of all ages all people all life glittering in the sky and upstairs in the pulse.pulse.pulse of the room with the bands...
Infusions of energy and brilliance of indescribable beauty wafted through me, drifting in my mind for a moment until it let go and let it fly on...
Upstairs again.
beat.beat.pulse.pulse.beat.beat.dance.dance.go.now.
The music in my veins, brilliant red glowing rising falling writhing flailing pulsing pulsing...
and it hit me.
beat.move.beat.move.pulse.move.free.move.dance.
Like a force of glistening truth, star-point hot-spots cutting my eyes, it hit me...
The visual impact of seeing my own arms and legs working on their own...my body did its thing...
I realized outside of my head, somewhere in another place, that I was no longer attempting to move to the music.
It moved me.
I couldn't help it.
I was released.
I was free.
I was dancing unconciously and without worry for the first time in my entire life.
And it was just the beginning.
Standing in the rain at the beach outside queen of the universe's house, goddess of universal love's not-so-humble abode, I sustained my own warmth in life while the rain was pelting me, staring in awe at the moonlight on the crests of waves, taking in the minute brilliance of the stars above, the thin haze of fog on the horizon...
The waves...it was the waves. The light on the waves captured me, pulled me out in their subtle secretive riptide, undertow, miles away...
I walked back inside to find groups of kind souls gathered around talking, a magnificent young man in the living room playing an acoustic set on his guitar, singing the ever-longing query of finding peace in the world, despite knowing peace in the universe...finding peace in himself. It was only then that I realized that the biting wind outside had indeed affected me, and I shivered for the first time since standing in the wet and cold for fifteen minutes on my own...
For once the darkness didn't bring cause for worry. It was just me, the stars, the waves, the moonlight...and my own light.
As the throng dwindled to a perfect balance, a few of us headed upstairs. The baby grand sat there calling to me. I sat down, and was filled with joy as the three in the room supported my every effort to attempt to recall my music into my fingers. I knew it was in there somewhere, and soon we were singing together. I was home away from home.
The night played on until 5 the next morning...we all slept well, and awoke to each other with smiles. A co-op effort to create a delectable tofu scramble ensued, ending with full tummies and shining faces.
Sunday desired, it seemed, to keep hold of me and continue my journey deeper into the real...
We dorked out over film and video and photography, and delved into more eerie there-are-no-coincidences topics. I made her heart skip the first time we met, back at the Star Store, because I was someone else to her - the best friend residing in Central America in the Peace Corps, the relationship that helped awaken him and her both...and here I am, with the same face, same hair, same voice, same general disposition and stance in life - just recently having left the corporate world, and just having woken up my soul in this life, or rather woken up to it. Perfect parallel of another human being's life, with only the manufactured idea of time to separate the details of synchronicity.
Later that evening, I was chatting with her online, and she asked me to look at his profile on tribe. I pulled it up, and there I was, staring back at me. His profile photo mirrored mine in such odd resemblance that even my own mother and sister thought it was me at first until opening it full size.
The next photograph fooled them all...PJ at Big Sur, but no, it was me, and how did I get there? I've never even been...
I went back to visit, to drop off some good books, and to go to another gathering. We never made it back out of the house.
Some might say that the Aurora Borealis, aka, Northern Lights, were seen all over the northern hemisphere last night...but that is not what we saw.
I had been upstairs rediscovering my love for piano on their baby grand Steinway...and finally after bursting into song a few times at the fascination of my resurgence of ability to play - since it has been almost a year since I last touched the keys - I decided that my time was up and that I must get back downstairs.
We took Maiya, the lovely yellow lab of the family, outside to do her business. It was out in the dark, looking over Useless Bay, that we were suddenly pulled the other direction, toward the north.
In the northern sky, the light was a shimmering curtain of satin.
Soon, silvery halos began to encircle us, as we stood awestruck by the beauty of it.
But it wasn't the Northern Lights. I know it wasn't. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't that.
Every star shone just as brightly, cutting through the green and silver silky energy...
It curved into a dome directly above our heads. We centered on a star, and watched as shapes began to appear above us...the dome ever-reaching inward toward the central point directly above us. I had to ground myself, as I was beginning to leave...I was detaching to join the flow of light toward that centerpoint.
I simply can't describe the feeling...though I may revisit this post many a time in the future until I can get it right, till I can edit it to convey to all and to myself just what it was that happened.
I know I started crying at the feeling of it, the sight of it...only for a moment. And then I closed my eyes and focused my attention upward.
I felt a sphere of light, a ball of mass that glowed brightly from within, enveloping my head and body, growing ever larger. And then it happened. A bolt of joy, a beam of all that ever was and ever will be emerged suddenly from within my head, and shot skyward toward the gathering place of the sky-shimmer. I stood transfixed, shuddering as the energy coursed through me, and only regained my conciousness when Alli suddenly spoke.
We stared at each other a while before continuing back toward the water.
Standing on the bulkhead staring skyward, I watched as my owl appeared in the light, spreading its wings...soon a raven replaced it, and then...an angel of pure light and energy illuminated the entire dome above us, and I asked if she saw what I saw, and she did...the colors, the light, the brilliance, dancing, moving, turning in on itself and reforming, and growing ever brighter, and then...
it faded as quickly as we noticed it in the first place.
I experienced another beam of light as I had before, which was at once, both humorous and disturbing, as Alli had just said, "Do you feel like suddenly we're going to be taken up in a beam of light and be up there with it?"...and then I did.
After I was back from that small voyage, I looked at Alli and saw her glowing, all around, all inside and to the edges of her being. I reached out while she was turned the other way, and was surprised to see ever so faintly her energy reaching out to touch mine, and as my fingers moved, I felt tendrils of energy playing with me. I don't know if she saw it or not. I don't even fully know if I did. I just know it was there. I think back and wonder if I really saw anything, and think it was just the moonlight bouncing around between us. But as I moved my hand away, it pulled the light with it, until it snapped like an elastic envelope all around her. I told her to turn around, and she shone brighter as she did. I wonder if I saw anything at all. Maybe it was just the Aurora Borealis that we saw. Maybe the rest was my hope for understanding manifesting itself in visions and hallucinations. But then she wouldn't have seen it too...
We went inside and talked for a long while, but only after Alli had headed upstairs, and I, in the kitchen alone, decided I would like to ensure my memory of the time outside, the events of the evening. I grabbed a small notepad from the counter, and a pencil. It was my every intention to write the words "Remember the Northern Lights" and date and time it...just in case I was so tired that I wouldn't remember...it had been a long week with little sleep, and a long weekend with even less sleep. My hand became its own director, my mind detached, and I blacked out for a moment as my fingers guidede the pencil over the page in a scattered and frantic effort to control and simply write the words I intended. What came out of the burst of spontaneous automatic writing was not what I expected. I came back into mind to the astonishing and unsettling words before me. I had written "All is love...Recall...the convergence of souls..." and the date and time. Below the words were a rough sketch approximating the experience I had outside in the night, the glow and flow and movement of the light and energy toward the central point. Below the sketch was the scratched name of Alli, and continued from the sketch above it, one tendril came down into the area where her name was, and completed a large "K" before it...the whole name was partially scratched out to reveal the subtle presence of the letters"K-a-l-i", borne from the scribbles that had formed "Alli" prior. across the sketch were the words "You Must Remember", all caps.
I still don't know what the hell happened or how that came out of my hand when I was trying to write something else.
Upstairs she looked for Johnny online, as she felt he played an integral part of this event. He had plans to, she'd seen them. I didn't fully understand, but could feel the truth in her patient search for confirmation.
I sat on the couch, giving her privacy in her investigation.
I folded my hands as Vance told me to, and closed my eyes.
Twenty minutes later, Alli shouted my name and told me to come back. She sensed that I was not in the room at all. And I wasn't. My body sat there, but I was gone.
She worried that I had traveled too far without being grounded, without having a cord to follow back.
During the inadvertent meditation and soul travel, I experienced every thing that ever has been, all at once, but accelerating and growing in size and intensity with every passing moment, and yet, I could tell that I wasn't moving, I wasn't passing through time, it was all passing through me - the past, the now, and the future, all were happening at once as I experienced them fully.
I tried to pin down a solitary image, realizing that I was lost and indeed had no ground to return to, but the shapes and forms and people and trees and birds and rocks and air continued to transform, to morph from one to the next like I was inside an animation from The Wall...
I came back for a while. She helped bring me back.
But as soon as my eyes were closed again, I was gone.
I returned on my own, lighter, assured, full of life.
Sleep came quickly, and the majority of the night was spent sprawled on separate couches, heads touching lightly at the intersection of the couch corners.
Morning came sooner than I was ready for, but not so soon that we couldn't make it downstairs for an hour of sleeping in the same bed, warming each other's souls.
The day was begun with further introspection and revelation. I walked into the gallery before heading to the Chamber. Windwalker had dropped off some slides the day before. I picked them up and my heart almost simultaneously jumped out of my chest and stopped at the same time. Two of his images depicted the movement, color, light, energy, and all of the detail that I had seen the night before. Last night I saw what he painted years ago from his own vision. I had never seen two of the images before. How did he know?
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