balance beam found...

I find it increasingly obvious that the title of this blog, "Finding Balance", is a true reflection of my life in all of it's, well, liveliness.

Walking along the beach today, my dog running ahead of me, chasing the waves as they came crashing in, out of place, due to the Clipper jetting by, I realized that I had finally found my balance beam. In finding balance in life, I feel at times that I am teetering on a razors edges, ready to fall head first into one extreme or the other, never finding middle ground. Trite, but true. But I'm lept from my razor, from the bleeding edge where I cut my feet, slashed my wrists, and scraped away the residue of the past like so many paint flecks on otherwise clean glass panes. I am renewed. And in being so, I have found a wider path, and more direct, though vague at times of course, something that I can find firm footing with, step on with full force without fear of being lacerated through my sole, or soul.

My new home is still new. I am happy with its existence, delighted with its location, and mildly amused at its small size. But in this case, size doesn't matter - less space to clutter up.
I am not entirely settled, nor are my animals. They will be soon. Benny and Jules have adapted faster than Gunther, but he'll come around in a few weeks I'm sure. He let out with a forlorn whine and much yelping, to my one-and-only neighbor's dismay, all day yesterday. I ran into her this morning while she was walking her dog. It amazes me how people with their own animals (in this case, an small scraggly kick-dog, so perhaps she wouldn't understand) don't see the blatant fear or intimidation caused by a new person's presence, especially when it is spontaneous and quite unexpected to the poor animal experiencing it. Gunther was nuts with confusion, already worried I was going to stick him in his kennel for the day and drive off, and suddenly this woman and her dog, sans leash, appear. So while I was restraining him akwardly, yanking on his choke collar, and trying to balance the other three things in my other hand without dropping the lot, she stood there dumbly saying, quietly no less, over the sound of my dog freaking out at her presence, "He was crying all day yesterday.". I'm thinking, well, yes, he's in a new place, and he's going to be a little upset at being alone there for a full day, but he'll get used to it. "Is your dog vicious?" No, he's just scared and afraid he'll be alone all day again, and here you are stupidly asking for your own selfish reasons whether he's going to be a problem for you. Please just walk away so I can calm him down...
But. She didn't. She just stood there, old and not the wiser for it.

Finally she walked away. It took ten minutes to calm Gunther down. And in the end, there was no way he was going in that kennel. So here's to hoping that the carpet is still clean when I get home.

The beach.
Kayaking every morning.
Morning Qi Gong warmups, feet dug into the sand. Grounded.
Two eagles devouring salmon on the dock.
A heron that always seems to be quietly waiting, so still that I rarely notice his presence in the soft glow of the moon.
Egrets, cormorants, and lots and lots of gulls and pigeons. But there are owls too. Three I think.
Still and silent, the neighborhood glows with only a scatter of porch lights, no inhabitants, save one, as the vacation homes are vacant, timers set to fool the errant theif into thinking the same light comes on every night at the same time in the same place for good reason - very anal people, he must assume.

In any case, it seems the balance beam is stable and steady.
Here's to finding balance...stability is in my sights.